College and Phonies

[12markkram34]

Does anyone else here ever get the idea that a large portion of adults' college talk is a mere ploy? I don't mean to say that college lacks importance or that early planning is superfluous. What I mean is this:

From an early age, they ask us what college we want to go to. They are pleased if we answer with "MIT" or "Caltech," but they never tell us exactly what college is, other than that it is a place where you go to "further your education."

Then, they goad us to participate in many activities, solely for the purpose of college applications. Sports and participation in student government are necessities that must not be forgotten. Previously-mandatory science fair projects continue to be mandatory in high school.

In our freshman year, they tell us to go take the SAT. They are not pleased with a 2200 score. Slowly, college applications become the reason behind mostly everything we do. We hardly ever do things for fun anymore.

Any progress we make is downplayed and merely increases their expectations. They come to expect "A" grades on every test and in every last AP class. Heck, they even expect us to get perfect/near-perfect PSAT and SAT scores. They never took as many AP classes and have no clue as to the format of the SAT, aside from the 2400 maximum score.

"Do you want to go to _____ (insert name of "bad" college)?"

"You don't have to do anything in life. You don't have to go to college or get a job."

The worst part? They went to that so-called "bad" college. Their jobs earn six-figure salaries.

They attempt to motivate us by telling us that there are kids in India and China who forgo lunch in order to afford school supplies. We will be competing with them for college entrance. Unsurprisingly, it does not make us feel any better.

They regard all of our classmates as competitors. They are "cohorts," not "friends." They ceaselessly seek ways to prove that we are superior to them.

Aside from our muddled brains (late-night studying for AP classes) and our broken resolve (darned SAT), it seems that we don't have much left. We learn to do what we do tolerably well, but is it worth doing?



So in conclusion, it seems to me that lots of this hype is phony. Phony like Holden Caulfield would say. I might be disgruntled and disillusioned, but I can't help to think that I am at least partly correct.

[shallow]

I think a lot of people share your opinion and experience, I certainly know at least a couple people that went through this in high school. But you should really consider the alternative, parents that care too much vs parents that care too little.

Not to turn this into a sob story, but my parents on the other hand dont know my sat scores, or even what a good sat score would be. I had to fill out my college apps, sat and gre registrations, and drive myself to most of these. I rather liked the freedom and responsibility of choosing my own fate, but frankly, if I had someone pushing me to do better, I would have probably been much better off.

My best advice if this is troubling you is to find your own reason to go to college.

[Ihatepie]

No offense mark, and I feel sorry for you, but I know for a fact your situation isn't anywhere near typical. If I had to make a guess, it would be about 3 kids in my grade took the SATs in freshman year. Most don't take AP classes, and most would think there was a mistake on the grading if they got a 2200.

But I do agree. Throughout all of high school, parents and teachers say that you have to do this or that to get into a good college. I don't personally see the reason to get all hyped up about it. People can get great jobs as long as they are intelligent and handy, and the difference between Harvard and a slightly worse college like Caltech won't make much of a difference. You're only in highschool once, and it's better in my opinion to have fun than to work yourself out just to get to a slightly better college.

Plus, (here's something that lots of people miss) even if going to Harvard could make your salary 10,000 dollars higher, who cares? Last time I checked, money doesn't define happiness, and if you think it does, then you aren't happy.

[shallow]

I just noticed that you're from hawaii. I have two friends from college that were from hawaii, one is now in med school, the other is a swim instructor and they're both pretty relaxed people. Not to generalize or anything, but given the hawaiian atmosphere, you should already know how to wind down and relax, probably just need to find some time to do so.

[Mewto55555]

With me, those activities that we are "goaded to participate in" are actually done because I enjoy them, e.g. math. I don't do math solely because I was like "Oh hey if I study for MATHCOUNTS I might get into a good college."

[TZF]

@ shallow: I find it somewhat ironic that someone with your username would make such a comment about Hawaiians.

@ OP: It's probably a combination of your parents:
(1) Having good intentions/realizing your potential but not knowing how to motivate you or direct their enthusiasm
(2) Living vicariously through your academic success

You should try to determine which things your parents say that belong into which category, and to what extent. Try to do so as impartially as possible (rather than out of convenience or confirmation bias), and interpret what they say accordingly.

You'll find that while your parent's attitude is terrible (especially regarding your friends), some of the things they suggest are worth considering. We can stipulate a few things:

(1) Some schools suit your needs better than other schools. The higher your SAT scores are, the more likely you are to gain admission to a school that's good for you (all else equal), because you're more likely to get admitted into any school. The same argument applies to grades and quality/variety of EC's. Sometimes, spending time on things that you aren't interested in (like studying for the SAT's) is worth the cost if the benefit is that it will help you go to a place where you can further your interests.

(2) At the same time, you should focus on identifying and developing your interests. Taking part in a wide variety of experiences can help you identify your interests, directly or indirectly. You may be surprised! At the same time, if you really dislike something, it's probably not worth spending your time on, because you could be spending that time doing something else of interest.

(3) It takes people a while to figure out what college they want to attend. MIT and Caltech may be obvious choices for people of certain interests, but it's worth taking the time to explore those (and other) colleges in more depth. This is one of the advantages of starting to look at colleges early. Chances are that in the end, your top choice will be an upper tier school anyway (perhaps even MIT or Caltech), but you'll have a better idea of why you want to go there (this will also be apparent in your overall application and your interview, which would increase your chance of ultimately gaining admission). Also, because noone can count on getting admitted to a particular school, it's good to have well thought-out alternate choices.

[zapi2007]

[12markkram34]

My sister graduated from Caltech and is now working on cancer research. To me, it seems strange that she was accepted because she only took one AP class (chem; she got a 3 on the AP exam). She didn't participate in any sports or the student government.

Unrelated: Hawaii really isn't as laid back as most people think.

My dad went to the local college/medical school and is now a radiologist. I asked him why I would need to go to MIT to become a radiologist like him. I could easily go to the same college he did and get the same job, which is more stable and pays better than engineering, astronomy, physics, etc. (if you believe online government job statistics). I can't remember exactly what he said in response.

[Lazarus]

Find your own reasons for wanting to go to a high-tier college.

You're on this site. This probably means you like talking to intelligent people. High-tier colleges have higher percentages of intelligent people to collaborate with. Odds are you'd be bored and unhappy in the local college.

[yenlee]

Yes, parents are sometimes annoying, hypocritical, illogical, phony, and generally full of ____.

That said, try to cut them some slack. The fact is that they care about you and want you to succeed, and in the grand scheme of high school life, getting into a good college is probably the most obvious step you can take toward a "successful" life (whatever that means). Of course, it is true that many parents want to send their kids to ivys because it serves *their* notions of what it means to be a "successful" parent. (Even the most noble of parents probably can't help but feel smug at having children who attend Harvard.) But in general, you should give them the benefit of the doubt regarding their intentions.

You should also take a moment to reflect on your privileged existence. To paraphrase what shallow was saying, maybe your parents are annoying, but would you rather have parents who are hell-bent on SAT prep and ivy league, or parents who have low expectations and dare not dream of sending their children to the ivy league? I assure you that the majority of American parents fall in the latter category.

You also mentioned that your parents are doing just fine with their no-name degrees and yet demand that you get a fancy degree. I should point out that many parents who have no-name degrees and are successful DO take that lesson to heart and *refuse* to shell out the money for private colleges, essentially denying that option to their children. Would you prefer that your parents had this attitude?

I don't mean to be overly harsh, because I do sympathize with you and totally disagree with your parents' tactics. But try to put it in perspective. Besides, in a couple years (if your parents have their way) you'll be in college a thousand miles away and you'll be free.

[TZF]

I'd like to comment and say that it isn't unfair for parents to have expectations of their children, especially if they put in so much effort into raising them. While it's not right for them to dictate your life or force you down an undesirable path, there's nothing wrong with them encouraging you in any particular direction (so long as that direction is ethical and perceived to be in your best interest).

[mathgeek_88]

i agree that parents can be a little too serious about college and how it is the center of a highschooler's existence. my parents give some pressure, but i know kids who are in worse families that actually beat them if they get B+'s. i find though that what i used to have to be forced to do i do well now, and i have my own reasons for doing them. because my parents motivated me to start certain things, i love doing those things a lot. so though they nag sometimes, i guess i have to be thankful.